Understanding the Desires of Men: Insights for Building Strong Relationships

I. Introduction

Understanding the desires of men and women; is crucial for a fulfilling relationship, but what exactly are those desires? David Deida who is acknowledged as one of the most insightful and provocative spiritual teachers of our time, says, “The search for freedom is the priority of the masculine, whereas the search for love is the priority of the feminine.”

In this season of valentine’s day, I wanted to share with you a few things about relationships. In this blog post, we will try to cover the desires of men and I intend to cover the desire of women in the next blog post.

Importance of understanding the desires of men

Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just starting, knowing the desires of men and women can make all the difference in building a strong connection. The few tips you get from here might help solve one or two of your problems, bear with me as I try to put down my thoughts.

II. Desires of Men

A. Emotional needs

The emotional needs of men can vary from one to another but there are a few particular needs that can be generalized.

One of the most important needs of men is the emotional needs of men. It is the need to accomplish a mission in their life. There is a general urge within every man that seeks to accomplish a purpose or as David Deida puts it, “the search for freedom.” The need to accomplish a certain purpose within life rises above all other needs. It is seen as the ultimate need of man. This need is not particularly specific to the masculine but also exists within the feminine and does not rise above all needs within the hierarchy.

A man is never fulfilled until he has a sense of accomplishment. You can see this evident in the interests of men. If we take sports, for instance, men are more interested in combat sports than women. Men are excited about sports like the UFC as they can relate the sport with what they face in life. When two men are in an octagon, both the combatants and the spectators see the price (the belt) as the mission in life. The man standing in front of the other is seen as the equivalent of the obstacles men face in life as they go along in pursuit of its fulfillment. Every kick, punch, or chock is considered as the one step closer to the goal set before getting in that cage (starting a new journey in life).

This is why the sport that is considered barbarian and primitive by the feminine is considered entertainment to the masculine. This is evident in other sports as well. Women can also be interested in these kinds of sports or accomplishments in life. The more they are interested in or drawn towards this, the more likely that their masculine side is dominant.

We can also see men who have everything they need; the cars, the woman, the house, and much more who yet commit suicide. Although the reason for this can be multifactorial, I argue that one of the major reasons is the lack of purpose in their lives. All else will lose its meaning compared to a man’s search for purpose or accomplishment.

B. Desire for respect

The second most important needs of men are the desire for respect. The desire for respect is a common emotional need for many men. Respect can take many different forms, but generally involves feeling valued, appreciated, and recognized for one's abilities, accomplishments, and contributions.

For some men, respect may be tied to their professional or academic achievements, and they may desire recognition and praise for their hard work and dedication. For others, respect may be more related to their personal qualities and characteristics, such as their sense of humor, kindness, or honesty.

In a romantic relationship, men may desire respect from their partners in various ways. For example, they may want to feel that their opinions and perspectives are valued, that their partners listen to them, and that they are given equal consideration, if not more, in decision-making. They may also desire respect for their individuality, and for their boundaries and preferences. We see this in adolescent boys seeking autonomy arising from their need for respect from their parents.

History is evidence of this need as men have gone to the extent of starting wars to fulfill the desire for respect. The need for respect has grown out of bounds and resulted in the use of power to impose one's needs and ideals upon others. Hence, the reason why this desire of men is subjugated by law. Top of Form

C. Desire for admiration

Admiration typically refers to feeling valued and appreciated for one's personal qualities, achievements, or skills. This desire for admiration may involve feeling that others look up to you, hold you in high regard, or are inspired by your actions or accomplishments. This can be particularly relevant in social or professional contexts, where one may seek validation and recognition from others to feel a sense of personal fulfillment and self-worth.

This need is usually confused with the desire for respect but the two are different. While both admiration and respect involve feeling valued and appreciated by others, admiration is more focused on personal qualities or achievements, while respect is more focused on contributions, abilities, or position. Additionally, admiration may involve a greater emphasis on inspiration or personal fulfillment, while respect may involve a greater emphasis on fairness, equity, and dignity.

D. Sexual desires

The sexual desires of men are the most upfront and bold needs of any other need. These needs are self-evident in every man and don’t need further reasoning for their existence. There are, however, some peculiarities. These desires are often multiple, they do not settle upon one as there is the evolutionary need of men to reproduce and preserve their species. Men are usually seen as the players or the cheaters with regard to this need. They are usually seen moving on from one woman to another or having multiple partners at once. In the evolution of our species, men had the greatest role in the perpetuation of the human species. They were the protectors and the providers of the household. They also had the responsibility of having multiple coitus with multiple reproductive-age women to increase the chances of survival of the species.

Men's sexual desire can be influenced by a range of factors related to reproductive fitness, such as physical attractiveness, fertility, and health. For example, men may be more sexually attracted (turned on) to women who exhibit physical signs of fertility, such as a waist-to-hip ratio that is associated with higher reproductive success. The other queue associated with higher reproductive success is the red lips and the pick cheeks which become more evident during coitus. These might not be noticeable with dark complexions but easily seen in a fair-skinned woman. In our times these have led modern women to take on surgeries and use makeup to better feature their reproductive fitness.

Coming back to the sexual desire of men, desire per se is not harmful, but the way we handle those desires is. A happily married man might have the desire to have sex with a woman at work due to that woman having high reproductive attractiveness. The desire is natural but the way we deal with those desires defines man. Weak men are defeated by these desires and fall into having sex with multiple women, but the strong man converts that desire into something much more meaningful and for the pursuit of the greatest purpose.

The desire can be seen as energy. The law of conservation of energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed – only converted from one form of energy to another. Hence, the ideal thing for the married man to do is to convert that desire into something much more meaningful. We see artists doing these in their music, arts, or literature, most of the muse of an artist is feminine. They use the desire of the feminine and convert it into something meaningful.

III. Conclusion

A. Recap of the desires of men

We have tried to cover the emotional desire, the desire for respect, the desire for admiration, and the sexual desire of men. The importance of purpose in men’s lives is the need of feeling valued, appreciated, and recognized for one's abilities, accomplishments, and contributions. The need for admiration involves the feeling that others look up to you, hold you in high regard, or are inspired by your actions or accomplishments, and lastly the sexual needs of men, the evolutionary needs, and the modern challenges.

B. Final thoughts

In conclusion, men can be seen as an upfront being compared to their feminine counterparts but understanding the needs and where they arise from is crucial to building a healthy relationship. Having a healthy attitude towards this need is very important both for the man and woman.

One thing to consider here, these desires I talked about may vary from man to man. The definitions of masculinity and femininity can differ from society to society, and some might consider these a sweeping generalization, but these are some facts that have stood the test of time. The needs stated here are few amongst many others and should be seen as such.

I hope this piece has provided you with a few insights into masculine traits. For more information, you can go and see the works of David Deida here and some of the evolutionary topics here.

We will meet the desires of women in the next pieces.




Be all you can be! ✌




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